The Judder Man, my dear...

I don't often sanitise my flat; but when I do, I really go to town with it. During one of my most recent spring cleans, I uncovered what is most certainly a precious artifact from a bygone era.

Tucked away atop the curtain rail, ensconced in a sumptuous bed of thick dust, was

a discarded drinks bottle:

Metz, for anyone who doesn't remember it, was one of the 1990s' pioneering 'alcopops', and thus, can retrospectively be held responsible for this country's deepening infatuation with binge drinking and alcoholism.

Apart from minor discolouration and a few scratches here and there, the bottle looks to be in tip top condition, considering a 'best before' that suggests its contents were consumed at least

twelve years ago.

Discontinued around the turn of the millennium, Metz was basically a nondescript cocktail of schnapps and lemon flavourings. The thing that stuck in my mind about it though, was its sinister TV advertising campaign:

WARNING: Some viewers may find video content somewhat disturbing

To you it may seem like nothing, but at the time I felt as though I'd uncovered a long forgotten relic, and a piece of my dwelling's history. Some people spend a lifetime searching for lost treasures; it only took me one afternoon and a tin of Mr Sheen.

As I rinsed out the brown, coagulated traces that remained inside, my first thought was to jump on eBay to see if this thing would have any kind of nominal value. 

Something came over me ... I'm keeping it.

It fascinates me to think that such a gem has remained undisturbed in stale surroundings for more than a decade, just itching to tell its story. When was it consumed, and by whom? How did it get up there in the first place?

My personal conjecture is that some hungover party animal hid it there when his/her parents decided to make an unscheduled visit.